Sunday, May 4, 2008

On the topic of local shamans

I was returning to camp via rick-shaw from the aero-drome, (my shipment of restorative tonics arrive'd today!) when the following sight struck me as soundly as a dastardly Turk might strike a defenseless child;


Needless to say, my humors were thrown at once out of alignment, and it was only a hearty swig of Doc McGillicuddy's Nerve and Moustache Elixir which rouse'd me from my stupefie'd state. (While my nerves did in-deed become quite regular as advertised, I had no need of it's facial hair thickening properties. Damn and blast your eyes, Doc Macgillicuddy! I've already got as robust a moustache as a man can rightly ask for, and now thanks to your tonic, I shan't be able to go so far as the local haberdashery without lower-classmen stopping to compliment my moustache's lustrous, full-bodied sheen!)

No sooner than I had stood up, than helpful native children surround'd me, and brush'd the dust from my overcoat in ex-change for the candy and small trinkets they have come to expect. I did not disappoint, producing a slide whistle and some peanut brittle from within my vest.

"What manner of inscriptions are these?" I querie'd the most likely candidate for ownership of the autocarriage which had so dis-quiet'd me. "They are quite frightensome to even a gentleman of my fortuitous constitution." The savage struggled for some time to understand Queen's english, finally offering a string of phonetic gurgles, that I was able to decipher as an attempt to entice me into worship of the favored local deity. "Nay good sir," I spake proudly, "I was born a follower of the noble Zoroaster and so I shall die." What follow'd was an incantation un-intelligible to man or beast alike, and surmising that some manner of hex was being cast upon my person, I fled in terror. I am loathe to admit such a thing, but caution is the friend of the wise, where dark magickry is at play!

31 comments:

Flangenimblick said...

This one made me laugh so hard I fell off my seat! I've got to remember to try something like this!

deathcircle said...

wtf blogger seriously?
you have to loggin to comment?

abbreviatedman said...

Hey,

Thanks for Legorobot and thanks for this. Reminds me of Chris Ware and Alan Moore.

Now just make more.

grandesqueprince said...

I do say! This cunnigly arranged menagerie of humorous comments on the state of modern life has indeed made commit to a slight chuckle! I most eagerly await for continuing correspondence, good sire Cornelius.

Andrew said...

Woo! I'm the first on my block to give a shit!

Widdershins said...

This is essentially the most pleasing and humorous work of its type I have come across in serving memory. Pray continue, if you can find it in you to do so.

ImMakingThisJustToCommentHere said...

I love you, is that okay?

Karl said...

Hey, so, um, I hope you don't think this is awkward.

But.

I retrieved some of your DNA for use in creating clones of you.

For sex.

fuzzy901 said...

I read the entire travel accounts of Bougainville, Cook, Bontekoe, and de Veer among others for a research paper last quarter...

And this reminds me of every period travel piece I read. Good show, sir.

deadlydemidevil said...

also giving a shit.

and what the fuck word verification

Micah said...

May 4th? Yeah, that's not going to work.

I expect biweekly submissions at least.

Anton said...

does mr. cornelius happen to be adventuring in the vicinity of unforementioned seminole county?

ExistingThing said...

Fucking genius!

mangoflush said...

By jove. What strange shenanigans the locals must partake in.

I look forward to any further documentation, good sir!

who said...

i fucking love you, please never leave the internet.

Jon said...

well, this new venture of yours is fantastic. but then, i expected nothing less from one Mr. Robot.

OmarJones said...

This...Is...Beyond...Amazing

you were so strange said...

i like. more please.

ExistingThing said...

MOAR

Travis Oafbane said...

Please honour us with more tales from this wond'rous land!

Character Zoo said...

Be unashamed, good sir, of your perceived cowardice. Had you not absconded with haste, the natives, in their religious fervor, could have torn you limb from limb!

Mark said...

I think you would thoroughly enjoy 99chan's /gent/ good sir.

http://www.99chan.org/gent/

Isaac Yassar said...

Good one! Perhaps they should make stickers like that LOL :D

Samuel said...

Damn and blast your eyes, Doc Macgillicuddy! I've already got as robust a moustache as a man can rightly ask for

Chris said...

More, please!

Matt said...

Needs more updates.

Scott said...

As I will be soon venturing into the dreaded peninsula myself, I long for further documentation of your travels.

campaigns said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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